The Glorious Leader today announced a Five Year Plan for the Motherland. "The people have become lazy and national production targets are not being met" the Glorious Leader proclaimed in his eight-hour speech to the General Assembly. "For too long our foolish business owners have invested frivolously without regard for the people" He disclosed to the Assembly". "Also, our nation is not doing enough cool stuff. I have therefore decided tissue a Plan that distils my wisdom for the glorious benefit of the people and the nation" He declared.
"The internet is technology and technology is good" the Glorious Leader exclaimed. "The State will help the internet." "Movies are cool. We will help our nation’s clever movie-makers". "Finance sector administration is where the action’s at. The State should give a generous helping hand to our proud finance sector administrators so they can form a hub". "I also have it on good authority that some very wealthy Nigerian investors are willing to give our nation money with no strings attached" the Glorious Leader disclosed. "I have asked the Treasury to immediately send a $2 billion money order to the Nigerian benefactors to pay the cost of the bank transfer" He proudly announced.
People on the internet, finance sector administrators, clever movie-makers, and Nigerian benefactors have hailed the Plan. A spokesperson for the Finance Sector Administrators Federation said that her industry was in for spectacular growth that would lift the nation’s economy toeing great again. A spokesperson for clever movie-makers said she expected there would be massive overseas tourist interest in visiting derelict movie sets around the country. A Nigerian benefactor was unavailable for further comment as he was being illegally detained by a repressive regime.
On hearing the news of the Great Plan, a senior partner at Pigg and Trough Stockbrokers, Mr Rick Brazenly, respectfully begged the Glorious Leader to consider allocating resources to the stocks listed on the national exchange for the benefit of glorious nation. "Our country will be great again when our listed companies are given great wads of cash" Brazenly said. "Our tireless stock market geniuses will selflessly devote themselves to allocating the State’s resources on the Glorious Leader’s behalf." "For modest fees, to cover costs" he added. After a magnificent lunch at an exclusive dining establishment with much fine wine, at which the Glorious Leader was presented with the first-born child of Mr Brazenly, He commented that allocating State resources to stocks listed on the national exchange is worth serious consideration.
The Glorious Leader displayed a humility belying his greatness when he announced that His Plan has been inspired by patriotic newspaper columnists and internet bloggers. The Glorious Leader said that these people are not blinded by the failed and discredited dogma of His asinine predecessors. "The baby and the bathwater both need to be thrown out because the baby grew from devil’s spawn and the bathwater has been poisoned". "Shrewd columnists and internet bloggers acknowledge that the nation desperately needs my pragmatic and sensible guidance to allocate the nation’s resources in the right areas" the Glorious Leader said.
The dissident leader of the opposition said that the Glorious Leader’s Plan was a step in the right direction but it would not let thousand flowers bloom. "The State’s nationalised enterprises need care and attention first." "It is vitally important the State’s resources are directed to its holdings in rail, international airlines, retail banks, postal delivery services, and electricity generation" the dissident leader said. "We also need to do more to show our reckless capital owners what’s good for them." "Animal sticker charts and sweeties for good behaviour, backed up with deductions from pocket money for being too greedy" he stated. "And another thing, foreign infidels shouldn’t be allowed to own our rural production units. We can’t buy rural enterprises in China and Zimbabwe, why should we let them or anyone else buy ours" the dissident leader said.
The Glorious Leader said that the leader of the opposition would invest all the Nation’s wealth in zoo dung if given the chance. "No one knows better than me where the nation’s factors of production should go" the Glorious Leader honestly stated.
The people fully agree with the Glorious Leader’s Plan and His supreme ability to pick winners and decide what’s right for them. Unordinary hard-working person, Mr N Awe, said that the Glorious Leader is the most qualified person in the universe to allocate the nation’s workers, CapitaLand land to the endeavours that will make a powerful and virile nation. "Lots of other nations’ leaders decide where resources go and they don’t even have a wise and handsome ex-financial trader to do that" Mr Awe intoned passionately. "I mean; the only reason it doesn’t work that well in North Korea is because their leader is a bit funny in the head" he said.
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